::footprints of ie|en

It's All Worth It

A week after I found out I was pregnant, I was wondering if I was one of those lucky women who did not have morning sickness. I wondered how it would be like. Me and BIG thoughts. A week later, I got my first attack. I was throwing up day and night. I felt like a tofu when I wake up in the morning. At the end of the day, I felt like mashed up tofu. I became a regular visitor of Dr Tan(das). If there was even a little speck of what I ate left in my stomach, I will continue to throw up until it was finally out. I felt like a bulimic, only it wasn’t by choice.

When a friend told me that morning sickness lasts for only the first trimester, of which it last for 14 weeks, I began to look forward to the end of the 14 weeks. I counted the seconds leading to the end of the 14 weeks. Darn it! The 14 weeks have to pass by so slowly.

During this time, I continuously blamed my husband for my morning sickness. And he’d to ask: How is it my fault? And I would say: You are the one who made me pregnant! (like as if I had no part in it). I swore that I would never get pregnant again. Thankfully though, he was very understanding. And never once yelled back. Only told me to be patient.

Once the 14 weeks were up, I was glad that the morning sickness was finally over. But then, I got another problem. I had migraines at least 3 days of the week. I would give anything to be able to pop a few painkillers at that time. But alas, I couldn’t and having to go to work did not help at all. When someone told me that the migraines would last till the baby was born, I very nearly tore the hair out of my head. Thank God, it only lasted a few weeks.

Very recently, about a month back, I looked at myself in a full-length mirror for the first time ever since I got pregnant when I was trying out a maternity dress. And nearly fainted. I knew I was getting huge. It was still quite a shock, however, when I saw myself in the mirror.

I also had problems with my moods. One minute, I would be talking lovingly to my husband, the very next, I would be yelling at him for no reason. I get irritated easily. And cry for no reason, too. One evening, I was happily watching my favourite serial on TV, and the next minute, I went to my husband, who was taking a nap, bawling and speaking incoherently. He thought I was nuts. I thought I was nuts, too. One time, my husband said: "Why is it that you get angry so easily nowadays and merajuk over every little thing?" And I retorted: "Why?? You cannot tahan is it?! Cannot then we have one child only lah!" He replied: "I tahan lah. What do you think I'm doing?" Although I retorted very rudely, what he said did strike a chord. I resolved not to be so bitchy to him. And it made me realise how thankful I should be that he never yelled back at me.

Then there was the butt pain, literally pain in the ass. Just sitting for a while gives me this pain in my pelvic bone. So I have to get up every now and then, walk around the office, then sit down again.

There are thousands of other “problems”. Walking up the stairs is such a chore nowadays. 3 steps up and I have to stop to huff and puff. I can’t walk as fast as I used to. I can’t lie on my stomach, my favorite sleeping position. I can't stand the heat. I sweat a lot more nowadays. And my face became so oily three pieces of facial blotters are not enough.

But you know what? It’s all worth it. When the baby moves and you feel the life living in you responding to your touch, all those will be forgotten. And I know it’s true what they say, that no matter how difficult the labor and how painful it could be, you forget everything once you look at the tiny face that is part of your flesh and blood. You forget all the problems you had. And you concentrate on loving the little life you hold in your hands.

posted by ie|en @ 11:53 AM