::footprints of ie|en

Fate of a Woman …

Woman A
She has just delivered her first child and was freshly out of the hospital after 2 days when her husband demanded that they have sex. Refusing to attend to his demands, she was punched and beaten. She was admitted to the hospital again.

Not long after, she delivered her second and third – a pair of twins. This time round, her husband did not ask. He simply forced himself on her. She was admitted to the hospital again. And had to be stitched down there. I do not want to imagine how much force he used on her.

He forced himself on her again after she delivered their 4th child. Her kidneys are damaged - doctors claim it's a result from the first beating. The husband is now having flings outside, visiting prostitutes and having one mistress after another. Their kids are like beggars even though their mother tries to care for them as sickly as she is.


Woman B
They were married in January and by May she was already a few months pregnant. That was the start of their abusive relationship. He was drunk one night and when she implored him to go home, he slapped her - in full view of his friends. Not to be treated that way, she slapped him in return.

Few months down the road, a few days to her delivery due date, he hit her again. It was revealed later that this was not the second time. The beatings did not stop after the first time. He had continually hit her whenever he was drunk.

The stories above are not fictions. Woman A and woman B are not inventions of a mind that has nothing better to do. One is a cousin of a friend, the other my very own sister-in-law. And these are not the first time I heard of such abusive husbands.

A close friend of mine was married to an abusive man for 10 years. He hit her all the time and with each beating, a really regretful apology and loads of gifts will follow, as well as promises that it will never happen again. Yet, he will hit her again and again. It took her 10 years to walk out; the last straw was when he slapped her in full view of her friends in a shopping complex.

I knew it took her a lot of courage to walk out. And probably this is what is lacking in my sister-in-law at the moment. When I asked what she intended to do, her reply was such that I knew she is not going to part ways with him. At least for now.

But must there be a last straw before one walks out of an abusive relationship? Must the woman wait until something (probably a life) big is involved? For whatever the reasons may be, is it worth being hit over and over again? Have we women got no honor that we allow men to treat us this way?

If this happened decades ago, when women have no jobs and no education and depend solely on their husbands, then I could at least understand their constraints, especially when children are involved. But in such modern days, when we women can support ourselves and have the necessary education, why wait some more?

Maybe I need more understanding in my system.

posted by ie|en @ 3:07 PM